1196 – The number of women who have made it into our Success Story Arena, either married or coupled up for a year or longer. These are some very smart women, who were determined to and who learned how to do dating well and who succeeded in their quest to land in a loving partnership.
Over these past 28 years as a personal matchmaker / dating coach, I have determined that people tend to “do dating” in one of two ways – they’re being either SMART or SILLY in the way they navigate the waters of dating.
Here’s a peek into the comments of women in both camps: The Smart and The Silly. Take a quick gander at how some of the real, live women in my world responded to opportunities with their real, live Suitors. Which responses sound familiar to you? The words are right out of my email box. I wish I were just making this stuff up… (The follow up blog article will be addressing men in both camps too – there’s plenty of silliness going on over there too, trust me.)
SILLY Women said:
“NO to meeting Stephen… not my type. He doesn’t make the cut. Who else do you have for me? Here is a photo of my ex-boyfriend, to give you a sense of what I’m attracted to” (YUK – doesn’t she know, we only have a shot with the guy who thinks we’re hot? If that guy was so great, how come he’s in her rear view mirror? She’s dating backwards, hoping the men SHE is into will go for her. No wonder she’s been dating for decades, and has gotten nowhere…She’d be much wiser to say Yes to her real, live Suitors, looking for what’s right in a man, vs. what might be lacking. To be fussy and picky? Not at all sexy, and doesn’t usually bode well for us ladies…)
“Why would you think I’d be interested in this man? I look easily ten years younger than my age, so I need for you to only introduce me to men who are younger than I am. And he HAS to be in my league financially and he simply must be 6’ or taller, as I have a closet full of gorgeous heels and would never ever give them up.” (Double YUK. OK, Darlin’ – have fun with those shoes, prowling the Four Seasons looking for that younger, hotter guy, who would drop everything to meet you cuz of … why?)
“Just back from my date with Kurt. He didn’t excite me. Please send me a man who meets my criteria: Exotic, Successful, VERY Handsome, Sophisticated, Loyal, SEXY, Humble, and who resembles Antonino Banderas or James Franco.” Can you guess what I did with her profile? I buried it in my inactive files. She’s just not getting it…
On the other hand:
SMART Women said:
“Thanks so much for thinking of me as a candidate for your Client Michael. There’s so much in his profile that I find refreshing and intriguing. Yes, please, I’d be delighted to meet him. I’m open on Friday eve or Sunday lunch or Thursday after hours. I’m excited! What a blessing it is to be in your community.”
“I very much enjoyed having the chance to meet Kurt tonight. (Yep, the same Kurt that the silly gal above blew off…) He’s a class act. What excited me most about this opportunity was to meet with someone who I already knew wanted a long term partnership. That cuts so much baloney out of the equation, and puts us both on equal ground right off the bat. Your introduction process is a breath of fresh air, especially in today’s throw away culture. Kurt and I will have Round Two this coming weekend over a hike and a picnic. I’m bringing my famous chicken parmesan sandwiches, and he’s bringing wine and cheese. Can’t wait. THANK YOU!”
And so as your friendly neighborhood personal matchmaker, dating coach and cheerleader for love, I have to ask you; Which camp are you in? The Smart or the Silly? Are you saying Yes to your real live Suitors? Are you being VERY careful to never dismiss / veto an invitation from a man who appears to meet your Top Three Critical Criteria? I surely do hope so as that’s the key to doing dating well, which leads to the loving partnership that I know you’re hoping for in your life.
The smartest way for a woman to date is to consider very carefully the men who she DOES have a shot at, who are fully available, who possess her most treasured Top Three qualities and who are hot to trot to meet her or to see her again.
The secret? Practice looking for what’s right, vs. what might be lacking. As Feisty Frieda Ferman said, “Look for the donut, not the hole.”