Julie Ferman, Personal Matchmaker / Dating Coach / Host of the Cupid’s Coach Podcast
Know YOU – Identify your Elements of Appeal – the qualities and attributes that make you a desirable candidate for relationship. Love YOU – You’ll never be able to love anyone more than you love yourself. Take beautiful care of your body, mind, emotions and your spirit. Practice self-care every day. That love generates personal confidence, which radiates outward, serving to draw other healthy, happy, grounded people toward you.
Prioritize. Identify the Top Three Critical Criteria that you hope to find in your future partner. Look for evidence of these qualities, rather than quickly finding flaws. Look for what’s lovely / admirable as you study profiles and when meeting people out there in your day’s journey. Stop vetoing candidates for secondary, superficial reasons. Practice discovering what’s right.
Initiate. Don’t wait for magic to happen; Get better and better at chatting people up, at engaging with people online. YOU be the one to suggest meeting up over coffee, a drink, a walk along the water. Extend the invitation. You bring the picnic.
Carmelia Ray Celebrity Matchmaker & TV Host
Double your dating opportunities by exploring new social audio platforms. Hearing someone’s voice can give you more insight than a profile photo. I’ve really enjoyed Wisdom, Clubhouse, LinkedInAudio and now Fireside as a way to connect with other like-minded singles.
There are thousands of online dating apps catering to people’s specific niches. They help to connect singles with similar cultural/ethnic backgrounds, lifestyle, age demographic, and religion. Explore new apps like WooYouApp where you can create your own dates to recommend to a potential match helping to break the ice fast.
Wherever possible, use the power of short videos on your dating apps, websites or social media to showcase your personality, and be your authentic self! Potential matches will run to “Google” and search your name, so be sure to do an audit of anything that would be a turn-off to a potential match.
Top 3 Tips for Upping your Love Game in 2022
Social Style and Dating
Dating magnifies our innate level of introversion / extraversion. Recognize, love and embrace your social style for greater comfort and connection. Tailor your dating experiences in a way that will allow you to be your best self. Extraverts have the ability to attract interest through social exuberance. Introverts have the ability to connect on a deeper level more quickly via their disdain for small talk and preference for meaningful one-on-one conversations.
INTROVERTS. The rich, imaginative minds of introverts can freeze on the phone and on first dates, but can flourish and better expressed in writing. To get to know someone and be authentically you, you may want to use email conversations until you feel this person has seen a bit of the real you and vice versa.
EXTRAVERTS your vivacious and fun personality will attract others to you, but to really connect with someone in a way that will more likely lead to a date, slow down intentionally, allowing for substantive conversations that reveal a bit more than social talk typically does. Arm yourself with some thoughtful conversational questions that promote this.
Singles social events tend to favor extraverts, and introverts can be overshadowed or clam up. INTROVERTS Try attending events that inspire thoughtful conversations such as book signings, interesting speakers, or events that feature an activity which can transcend small talk. EXTRAVERTS Your social calendar and vivacious personality also means you may spend less one on one time with a love interest than your introvert counterparts. One on one time is when we can reveal ourselves, and become vulnerable to each other, which is the super glue of relationships. Be sure you are taking time to meaningfully connect by stepping out of the social whirl from time to time to experience and nurture a one-on-one bond.
Friends, Family, and Community. Let friends, family, and acquaintances know you are looking. One of the best ways to meet people is through others whom you have things in common with: meetup groups, a divorce social group, religious affiliation, or through networking groups. Think six degrees of separation. Having a dating village can both support and assist you in your journey. If you don’t have a support network, consider enlisting a professional who can help you maintain your dating enthusiasm.
Be Present. Differentiate yourself by demonstrating sincere interest, through active listening, asking thoughtful follow-up questions, to connect on a deeper emotional level.
Be Open to Possibilities.Dating provides all kinds of opportunities. Be willing to date outside Your Type. Shorten Your List, focusing on only the most important criteria. Remember, a connection can be found in surprising places and unexpected packages.
For ambitious, successful women: I challenge you to say YES to the first 10 men who asks you out. Even if you don’t think you want to, just go for it. If he’s brave enough to ask you out, he’s intrigued – be courteous and say YES to the date. See where it leads. This could be fun and surely, you’ll have unexpected surprises.
Update your image. Change your hair color and/or haircut. It’s time to update your look and put your best look forward! Pick a friend whose hairstyle you like and go book an appointment time with that person. And take some new photos, to add to your profile.
Join one new hobby group. Whether it’s a running club, hiking club, wood working group, sewing group, or whatever! This is a way to branch out and meet more people. You can let these new people get to know you and then you tell them you’re single. You will promise to meet anyone they set you up with. No if, and, or but’s, just go out.
Use texting appropriately. Send a good wish or request to talk or meet in real-time. After a date, send a Thank You text with a simple but thoughtful message. COVID has changed the dating world; singles are craving human contact now more than ever. Set yourself apart by engaging at a meaningful level, to show that you care and take a real interest in them.
Date with an open heart and mind. Look beyond the photo, which should be the second thing you look at. First, read their profile, and look for signs of genuine kindness and empathy to determine if you should meet. I find it is those relationships that are everlasting with deep and genuine love.
Consider if you’re really ready for what you ask for. Are you emotionally ready? Have you worked through past relationships that may be lingering? Is your personal life in order? If not, you could be meeting an incredible match that could go sideways and end before your love story starts.
Commit to dating with integrity. Make it a practice to be honest about your intentions, how you are feeling, and whether you are interested in going out again. Do not avoid someone or ghost them if you’re not interested. Don’t make excuses. Instead, be honest about how you are feeling. Say something like, “I am so glad we met even though I don’t think we’re a love connection.” When you date with honesty and integrity, you keep the door open for other opportunities. You may end up being great friends and introducing each other to someone who ends up being their match!
Stop expecting instant chemistry. Many people are guarded on the first date, so it’s hard to gauge chemistry right away. I always tell our clients that if someone is a kind person with qualities they are looking for in a partner, they should say “yes” to a second date, even if they are not feeling a strong attraction. Date number two will either confirm or deny your initial reaction. This recently happened with a couple that we introduced at Select Date Society. She didn’t feel chemistry on the first date and she listened to our advice and said “yes” to date number two. Now they are engaged and building their dream home together!
Be present. Many singles start thinking 12 months ahead after the first date. They start imagining what their wedding will be like and what their life will be like together. Stop creating fantasies and start living in the present moment. Don’t over-analyze or critique your date on your drive home. Instead, practice being in the present moment. Enjoy your time together and let go of expectations for the future. When you learn to let go of worry and start being in the moment, dating can actually be fun and so much more fruitful!
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