Real Men Date Their Contemporaries

dating your contemporariesA really good man, in this personal matchmaker’s esteem, is a man who has his act together emotionally and financially, who’s honorable, with good values and morals, and who’s a relationship-oriented, kind and compassionate person.

And yet here’s a sensitive, somewhat controversial question. How compassionate is a man being when he’s in his fifties or sixties and he insists on dating only women who are ten years his junior? How about the guy who’s targeting women who are fifteen or twenty years younger?

Current life expectancy for men (in the US) is 77, and for women it’s 82. It is common knowledge that women outlive men by a significant margin, so a 50+ man who’s insistent on dating younger women, is asking for each woman he pursues to be willing to sign on for what will likely amount to in the end (for her) decades of being alone. Is this something that a kind and compassionate man would do?

Why do men target younger women?

If they’re past the point in their lives when they want to have and raise kids together, here are the most common reasons I find for why men are continuing to prefer dating younger women.

Looks / Attraction / Sex Appeal.

Yes, indeed, nothing happens in the world of love and romance unless a man is attracted to a woman, and in a romantic, sexual way. We women have a far greater ability to develop physical attraction over time than men do. Ladies, let’s not take this personally, as it’s mostly biological, as frankly, his “equipment” doesn’t work if he’s not attracted. We girls can and often do develop romantic attraction for a man who might be not-so-hot when we first see him. If we feel safe in his presence, if we feel beautiful, cherished and special, and if it’s fun and meaningful being with him, all of a sudden Mr. Not-So-Hot becomes Mr. Adorable and romance sparks in surprising fashion. So ladies, it is critically important that we keep our skin and our bods in great shape, so we will continue to turn heads, to draw in the attention of the men whom we’d like to meet and date. We only have a shot with the guy who thinks we’re hot.

Youthfulness / Playfulness / The Fun Factor.

Men of all ages are drawn toward women who are playful, happy, positive, funny, and fun to be with. Catch a glimpse of your reflection as you pass by mirrors during your day – how playful and fun does this person appear to be? Put a small mirror on your desk or in your kitchen, by the sink so you can catch a glimpse of what others see in your face, and use it as a reminder to “put on your happy face.” Happiness and playfulness always come from within, and we can and do choose our demeanor, our attitude and the visage that we project outward to the world. Being in Los Angeles matchmaking industry I’m witnessing this possibility in action currently, as one of my close family members is burdened with an aggressive and usually fatal cancer, and yet he brings serenity, peace and love into everything he does in his life. We really do and can choose the thoughts we think, which dictate the face we wear and show to those around us. As a man ages, he faces his own mortality and he doesn’t want to be reminded of it, so it’s natural for him to gravitate toward people who perk him up, vs. those who drag him down. Make sense?

Respect, Admiration, and Appreciation.

Men often comment to me that they find that as we get older, we girls become more critical, more fussy, more likely to whine, nag and complain and find fault with other people. Men are telling me that they find that they’re more likely to get what they really want and need from a woman if she’s younger than he is. She’s more likely (he says) to be appreciative, to demonstrate respect, and admiration for him. Men tell me that as we get older as women, we tend to be more difficult to please and to “make happy” – oh my, right? What makes a man feel like a man, a real man, a good man is when they can successfully provide and protect the important people in his life. What helps him feel like a really good man? When those around him demonstrate sincere respect, admiration and appreciation, and so he’s naturally drawn toward the type of woman who shows him respect, admiration, and appreciation. This is such critical information for us to hear, as women, as while we can’t change when we were born, we surely are in charge of how we choose to behave, and how we speak and engage with men. We have lots more control over how we come across than we might think.

I ask my gentlemen clients to focus more on these qualities (their presence, or lack thereof), rather than to obsess over what a woman’s age might be. If the guys will do that, and if the gals will practice bringing these qualities to the men in our lives, dating and mating will be lots more fruitful.

If you’re single and you wish you weren’t, place yourself strategically where you can be found by matchmakers worldwide. You can get yourself registered privately with me for personal matchmaking services.

About Julie

Julie Ferman is the Founder of Julie Ferman Associates. As a personal matchmaker, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, dating industry consultant and events producer, her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Julie Ferman Associates provides personal matchmaking services and a full menu of dating coaching services to single men and women throughout the U.S. and Canada.

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