Are you vetoing potential candidates and suitors over politics? Lots of folks are these days, and it might or might not be the best course of action. Find out for yourself here, now.
If being aligned on political (or religious) views is important enough that it makes it to your list of Top Five Critical Criteria, then YES – ask those questions early on and be willing to shake hands and part amicably if you’re on opposite sides of the fence AND if one of you or both of you are so dug in on your positions that you simply can’t tolerate an opposing view.
Is it sad when this happens? You bet it is. But we’ve not seen our country this polarized since the Civil War era, so it’s a reality that we really should address.
What makes this personal matchmaker fret and tear up is when I see men and women who claim to be sincerely seeking life-long love, yet I see them making this one cardinal mistake – Dismissing candidates for secondary reasons. What’s a secondary reason? Anything that doesn’t make it to your list of Top Five Critical Criteria.
How to know if something on your “wish list” is critical? If you’d rather do life solo for all of your remaining days than to partner with someone who isn’t __________.
The other mistake is to allow your list of Critical Criteria to have more than three or five items on it. Focusing in on the Top Five qualities and characteristics that TRULY matter to you will help you avoid the tragic pitfall – having SO many requirements on your Must Have list that you are setting yourself up for failure in your search for relationship and partnership.
Which of these qualities / characteristics matter MOST to you?
Pick YOUR Top Five, right here, right now.
Character / Integrity / Loyalty
Smarts / Intelligence
Ambition / Passion
Fitness / Health
Humor / Personality
Sincerely seeking relationship / life-long love
Similar family planning goals (wants kids or doesn’t, OK living with kids at home)
Similar religious beliefs
Similar political beliefs
Similar preferences regarding pets in the home
Similar dietary preferences
Similar spending habits / in alignment on where money should be invested.
Love of travel / similar travel styles (five star, off the beaten path)
Appreciation for culture / the arts / films
Physical attraction / Chemistry / Height / Hair / Body Type
Active / Adventurous vs. Home Body
You can see… this list can go on and on. What’s important is for YOU to determine which elements truly matter to you and which you can work around. The more inflexible you are, the more challenging you are to relate to and to live with, so choose your deal breakers wisely, in order to keep options open. Options are good…
When you’ve got your Top Five identified, be sure to take a moment to update any and all profiles you have registered with matchmakers and with online sites, so you’ll be representing yourself accurately.
Remember – the way you’ve been doing dating hasn’t yet delivered the intended result. Am I right? This one activity, isolating (and respecting) your Top Five Critical Criteria (not your top 15…) might just change everything for you.
Relationships are inconvenient, by their very nature. You can count on your partner to have different views than you do on all kinds of issues. The question is – which issues REALLY matter to you, so much that you’d rather be alone forever than to partner with someone who didn’t agree with you? Choose your criteria carefully and if the issue didn’t make it to your Top Five list, be very careful not to veto someone for having a different point of view on this issue, which you have deemed to be of secondary importance.
If it’s an issue that you have deemed to be less than critical for you, then when it comes up, practice listening. You don’t have to agree, but voicing your opinion, especially loudly or in an argumentative fashion will usually serve to push this person away. Use your ears more than your mouth, avoid confrontations, and find new ways to have inclusive vs. exclusionary conversations. If you must, carry duct tape with you, at least imaginary duct tape.
Arguments and conflict can only happen when both parties are engaged. Listen and let it go, if the topic isn’t in Top Five territory.
My husband and I have been successfully married since 1990 and rarely do we vote the same way. So… yes, it CAN be done.