How to Glide and Thrive Through the Holidays


JF FACEHolidays are pretty much always bitter-sweet.   Here’s how to spin the bitter into sweet.

There’s the good stuff — those warm, delicious, tender, loving moments with close family and friends — you know, the folks who truly bring you joy.   This mixed in with…the other stuff…relatives you’d otherwise never need to see, the awkward wierdness when Aunt Sallie recounts for the tenth time her story about the messy diaper change she did with you 47 years ago…you know…

And if you’re single, negotiating that thing called dating, working your way through the unpredictable rapids that the pursuit of romantic relationship pretty much always is…, the period of time between November 20 and January 5 is well, OK, we’ll admit it — it’s a challenge.  My Client, Sophie, blurted it right out there in her email to me this morning, saying “Being Single SUCKS, especially during the holidays.”

So this morning’s Matchmaker’s Musing goes out to Sophie and to anyone out there who’s feeling alone and maybe not quite loved enough on this Thanksgiving morning.

You can expect your journey through the next five weeks to be littered with the occasional sharp pang of lonliness, disappointment, even exasperation.  You might find that you utter to yourself incredulously, “What?  No gift at all? I thought we had a relationship here…”  or “Not even a phone call from this schmuck?”  or “She can’t fit me into her schedule til next MONTH?”  or “If I REALLY mattered, I’d get a call, an email, a text…”  or “Is is possible that not one person on the planet really gives a rat’s tail about me?”

Just accept it, thoughts like this might cross your mind, and when they do, here’s what to do:

Practice gratitude.  Bring to mind and make a written list of the people and the relationships that make you smile and warm your heart.  Reach out to each of them by email, by phone, or heck…whip out the pen and a blank sheet of printer paper and expressssssss.  The kind of love note or text or call you’d like to receive today?  YOU write it.  YOU send it out.  Go ahead — crank out several of them.  Heck, take half a day and shower your whole world with love and appreciation, straight from your heart.  Especially if you’ve never, ever done this.  Go ahead, be a sap, or make them laugh, either way, but do what James Taylor told us to do, “Shower the people you love with love.”

I have a client who sends me a personally designed birthday card every year.  He’s a guy, and he’s not gay either.  I think that’s really cool (Thanks, AB!)  I have a Client who hates being lonely on Christmas day, so last year she found a family in trouble and she personally delivered to them a holiday feast, with special presents for each of them — she brought smiles to each of their faces and she told me it was the most memorable and heart warming Christmas of her life.

When you’re in the dumps, give of your heart and your soul  If you find yourself falling into any kind of an emotional slump, having a pity party of any sort, head to your nearest soup kitchen and help serve those who are oh so much less fortunate.  Find out where Habitat For Humanity is building locally and jump in there to help (Hint:  Ladies, I hear this is a great place to meet wonderful men — ! )

In other words, ask not what kind of love is coming your way, rather how can you share YOUR love today, making the world a sweeter, happier place?

Cute aside:  I met husband Gil Ferman in my hometown of St. Louis the spring of 1990.  Just a few months prior to our meeting, Gil (44 year old bachelor whom some had feared would be single forever) had ventured out to the midwest from his home in LA to open up his new dating service franchise, and he was literally all alone in the world on Thanksgiving day.  He spent it completely by himself having a fabulous feast at…Denny’s…seriously.  I’ve gotta believe he was just a little bit sad and felt just a wee bit pathetic at his $9.95 turkey dinner.  And yet just around the corner for him would be romance, love, marriage, kids, family, and at least a couple of decades of pretty darned good stuff.

If there aren’t any other great offers for dinner tonight, Gil says Denny’s does a pretty good job… Remember to leave the waiter a generous tip.

Gobble, Gobble.

About Julie

Julie Ferman is the Founder of Julie Ferman Associates. As a personal matchmaker, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, dating industry consultant and events producer, her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Julie Ferman Associates provides personal matchmaking services and a full menu of dating coaching services to single men and women throughout the U.S. and Canada.

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