So, you hired a matchmaker. Your work is done, the ball’s in the matchmaker’s court, and you can just sit back and relax and watch the miracles unfold. Or may be NOT.
Here is what to do to maximize your investment and to set yourself up for success with your matchmaking process –
Be Communicative. Working with a matchmaker is a remarkable opportunity to practice your communication skills, the very skills you’ll need in abundance when you’re in the relationship that’s in your future. Life and relationships are full of disappointment and frustration, as well as excitement and delight. With each email you send and each phone call you have with your matchmaker, practice the art of communicating with respect, thoughtfulness, and compassion. Your future partnership will benefit enormously from your ever-developing expertise.
Be Positive. When providing post-date feedback with your matchmaker, be sure to share what you appreciated about this person you just met, as well as what might have been a disappointment. It’s no surprise to me that of the thousands and thousands of clients I have worked with since 1990, those who have found love through our LA matchmaking process are most always the ones who were positive, kind, thoughtful, respectful, and courteous with me and with those they met all along the way. No one wants to be with a grouch, right? The qualities you hope to find in your future partner? Practice bringing those qualities to life with each touch you have with your matchmaker and with each person you encounter along your dating journey.
Be Generous. Resist the temptation to quickly judge or evaluate your candidates or your dating coach. Greet each person you meet with warmth, kindness, and curiosity, embracing the unexpected surprises that are always available for discovery just below the surface. Look for, recognize, and celebrate the unique gifts that this introduction provides for you both. Use each introduction as an opportunity to contribute to someone, to enrich this person’s life, and to have your own life be enriched. Make friends along the way, and never burn a bridge. A wise grandmother once told me to “never turn down a date with anyone; you never know who his friends might be!” That grandmother had suitors hovering around her until her very last breath.
Be Happy. Dating is a revealing educational process. The level of happiness in your future relationship will be commensurate with your ability to bring happiness and joy to this present moment in your dating journey. In other words, if you can’t be happy now, you’re unlikely to be able to be happy even in the best of circumstances. So practice bringing happiness, joy, and light-heartedness with you into each circumstance that life presents. Happiness, Pay it forward.
Be reasonable. There’s a natural temptation when hiring a Los Angeles matchmaker to expect that you’ll be able to meet and partner with a higher caliber person than you’re naturally attracting on your own. This may or may not happen, as even the world’s best matchmaker can’t alter the laws of attraction, or the supply and demand dynamics that are presented through the demographics of your local culture. You can count on your matchmaker to present to you the best possible introductions, given who you are, the type of person you’re hoping to meet, and who’s available to the matchmaker for referral at that given moment in time. The matchmaker can only introduce you to someone who is also a Yes for meeting you – to the person you actually have a real shot at. What may not be apparent to you as the matchmaking client is that your matchmaker is taking lots of hits for you, being turned down by plenty of potential candidates, before getting the enthusiastic Yes response from one particular candidate who is excited to meet you. Give your Ventura matchmaker the benefit of the doubt, as you don’t know what’s happening on the other end of the equation, and it might not be an easy search. It’s easy to forget or to ignore that the person you’re hoping to meet might not be seeking you out.
Be Patient. Matchmaking services won’t work for you until it does. We are only looking for one person, for one relationship that suits you beautifully. And we never know if a search for a new client will bear fruit early on in the first few introductions, or if that magical connection will happen down the road, months or even years later. Never lose faith, never give up, as the next introduction just might be magical.
Be surprised. Of the 1163 marriages I have witnessed thus far, since becoming a personal matchmaker, so many of these successful pairings came as a huge surprise to one or both of the partners, and honestly, to me too! Watch for surprises, as it’s smart to acknowledge that the way you have been doing dating has not yet provided the intended result, right? Carol was surprised to fall in love with a bald guy. Robert had not expected to partner with a woman who was older than he. Mark had no idea that his heart would be big enough to embrace Jan and her three young children. Surprises happen all the time in our world, so allow yourself to consider a broader range of possibilities than you might have previously. The nature of blind spots is that we can’t see our own, and your matchmaker’s perspective might actually include some possibilities that had not occurred to you.
Be Nice. No matter what, always be nice to your dating matchmaker. Even if and especially if your program comes to an end and you have not yet landed in a happy relationship, as matchmakers are always searching for our new clients, and you want to be the warm, friendly, open-hearted client who continues to receive extra referrals. Thanks for your faith, your courage, and for your partnership.
image from: masacct.com
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