What’s working really well for men in dating these days? Old School Gentlemanly behavior. Courtship is IN. Courtship will always be in style. Especially now, with today’s modern day woman being so strong, confident, secure, and often successful financially too – what can you do, what should you do to impress her, to get that green light for the next date?
Guys, here’s your cheat sheet for what to do and what NOT to do on that first or second date.
NOTE: These tips are for men who are sincerely seeking long term relationship or life-long love. If it’s a hook-up you’re looking for, please go away, you’re reading the wrong blog…
The Invitation. Do Call, Don’t Text. Whether you’re 28, 36, 45, 57 or 68, women of all ages continually tell us matchmakers and dating coaches that they want and need to hear a man’s voice. She doesn’t want to receive that coveted first date or second date invitation in a lazy, lame ass text message. It’s been said that men fall in love through their eyes and women fall in love through their ears. In order to trust you, to begin to feel safe with you, she needs to hear your voice.
Voice Mail Tips: Strong, Confident, Short and Sweet. You’re interested in her and attracted to her? Call her, and if you don’t catch her live, rather than hanging up with no message (lame) or sending a text (weak), you’ll score extra points by leaving a short, upbeat voice mail message along the lines of…
“Hi Melanie, it’s Bruce – sorry I didn’t catch you live, hope you’re having a great day – I’d love to see you, if you’ve got an opening for lunch on Saturday or dinner on Sunday or one day next week, or there’s a jazz club I’ve been wanting to check out if that sounds fun. Call or text me back, talk soon, my number is….”
Show interest in HER. While a woman always wants and needs to know if you find her attractive, in order to really have a shot at her for the possibility of relationship, she needs to know that you are interested in who she is on the inside. Ask open-ended questions, pay attention, listen well, give her the gift of your focused attention. As a man, this is one of your super powers. We crave your focused attention, and when we have it, it’s simply delightful and thoroughly delicious.
Balance the conversation. A cardinal mistake that men so often make on a first date is to dominate the conversation – it’s instinctive and natural for him to try to impress her by talking about his work, accomplishments, family, activities, etc. What will serve to impress her more is for her to sense from you that you are sincerely curious about who she is, fascinated to know what makes her tick. Your being interested in her makes you much more interesting, memorable and next-date worthy.
Compliments. To turn on her romance switch, see how she responds to the warm fuzzies — a good, strong hug when you greet her, to break the ice. A thoughtful compliment on how she looks — her sweater, her hair, her shoes or purse – women make a big effort to look pretty on a date, and especially anytime you find a woman to be attractive, you’ll score points by letting her know what you like about her “look” or her demeanor. That sincere compliment can and often does signal a release of romantic energy on her part, as she’ll know that she’s kindled an element of attraction in you, which gives her the confidence to let her Temptress peek out from the curtain. She’ll be much more likely to let her Temptress come out to play if she senses that she’s safe with you, that you like, value and respect her, and on top of that…you find her attractive physically and romantically.
Engage with physical touch. When you sense that twinkle in her eye, that her inner flirt is starting to engage, fuel the flame with a touch of her wrist or arm, a protective hand on her back or shoulder as you’re walking, opening her car door, pulling out her chair. Women are always looking to be with a man who’s bigger and stronger than she is, who can be her Provider / Protector. Take charge with your physical presence, take the lead, and make it your job to make her feel special.
Be her Protector. Make sure she gets to her car safely — guys get big points for this. And women won’t tend to ask for it, either. But trust me on this one — an escort to her car at the end of the date not only makes her feel super safe and protected, but stages a nice opportunity for a good night hug or kiss, which is usually fine and fun and somewhat expected at the end of a nice date.
Valet Parking. Oh boy, tricky stuff here. Make sure her car is retrieved first, so you’ll know that she’s safe and not stranded with a stolen car or flat tire…It happens… Now, this is a bit over the top, especially if you have just picked up the tab for dinner, lunch, or a bar tab, but women are SUPER impressed when the guy springs for her parking ticket, whether he valeted or not, and if you plan ahead by having some valet parking tip bucks in your pocket, you will get a five star review every single time. This is NOT something that she should expect, but if it happens, she should be quite impressed and the date will end on a high note if you do it. Women often valet for safety – walking the streets at night in high heels, hoping to find her car… not much of a turn on…
Prompt Follow Up. A text message that evening or the following morning, to say that you had a great time is usually appreciated, and if you’d like to see her again, say so. Some women will be hesitant to initiate a text message after a date, and so don’t equate silence on her part to be a lack of interest. She’s looking to see if you will be The Guy and if you will pursue her. The more she likes you, the less she will want to have to chase you. She’s hoping for, praying for, dying for a guy who wants to take the lead, who is inspired to court her, who’s interested enough to make an effort to catch and hold her attention.
Dare to care. Today’s modern day woman can be daunting, intimidating, and downright scary to men. When you’re attracted to her, your insecurities can kick in too, as you’re wondering if you’ve got a shot at her. You’ll be MUCH more likely to get that green light if you can show her your masculine provider / protector in action. Pay attention to what she cares about, ask questions about how that big meeting went, how her son’s soccer game turned out, what her holiday or vacation plans entail.
The things a guy needs to do, to impress a woman…. I know, it’s a tall order, but love, relationship, partnership – it’s well worth the effort to develop some dating strategies that will serve to put YOU in a great light.
Her job? While I like to coach the guys in what to do to try to stay out of trouble and how to make a good, strong, masculine impression, I coach the gals to make it easier for you guys by speaking up, by giving you hints and by coming right out to say what it is that will please her, whether it’s at the restaurant or in the bedroom. When in doubt, ask her what she likes, how she likes it, what works for her in her world. She’ll be impressed that you cared enough to ask.
Do dating well and your journey into relationship will be a shorter one. I promise.