First Dates, Julie Ferman Style, for Female Clients

I can’t manage or control how first dates happen out there in the world, when two people meet up through friends, an online site or a coffee shop flirtation, but here in our personal matchmaking community, first dates are orchestrated with great care, thought, attention and love and we do insist that things be done… a certain way. There are really, really good reasons for why and how we have designed our introduction process. Here’s how first dates happen, here at  canstockphoto9487743coupleonadate

I’m only working proactively for a relatively small number of personal matchmaking clients at any given time, both male and female. Here’s how we manage introductions for our female Clients.

Available to me for referral is a deep, rich pool of thousands and thousands of candidates for me to consider as a potential date for my client. When I’m searching for a client, I’m looking for the best possible match for her, given 1) Who my Client is, 2) The type of person she is looking to meet, 3) Who’s available to me for referral at that moment in time, and 4) Who I think she has a shot at…., meaning who might also be interested in her and attracted to her.

Identifying the Suitor. Once I’ve determined that the gentleman I have in mind for her to meet is indeed available, that timing is good for him for an introduction, then I present her detailed profile to him, including her current photos. He’s got the option of saying “Yes” or “No Thanks” to the introduction. When I’ve identified a gentleman who is available and who meets our key criteria for her and who is a Yes for meeting her, then we present him to her as a Suitor, with his invitation, and we provide concierge service for the introduction, lining up the time and location for the first date.

First dates in our world are typically over drinks or lunch or dinner – we like to let The Guy be The Guy, letting us know what he’d like to do for the first date. Typically the gentleman picks up the tab for the first date, but it’s not uncommon for her to offer to help, though honestly… she’ll usually be most appreciative if he declines her offer. We’ll often look for a venue that’s mid-point between their homes or offices, though we love it when one or both parties can be flexible as to the where, how, and when of the date.

Confirmations. Once we have the time and place set for the first date, we send an email confirmation to both, with the first date details. We ask for a reply, so we’ll know that both he and she have the details, and we do share cell numbers, so they’re sure to be able to find each other at the venue.

Pre-date communication. Though not required, it’s fine for him or for her to reach out the day prior or the morning of the date, usually with a text message, or with a voice mail message saying “Looking forward to seeing you at _____ and ___pm.” Careful here, though – if you DO catch each other live by phone, resist the temptation to do a pre-date interview — save the 20 questions for the live, in-person date. One of the secrets to our success is in the preserving of the first impression for the face to face meeting.

On the date, the mission should be to make sure this person is having a nice time. Always be courteous, always be respectful, give the gift of your attention and your sincere interest. Brighten the life of this person, use your ears at least as much as your voice, and look for areas of interest and commonality. Be gentlemanly, polite, gracious, practice generosity with your time, attention and make your goal to enrich this person’s life, whether you are together just once or many, many times. Make sure she gets to her car safely.

After the date. Check in with her by text or phone call, to let her know that you appreciated the opportunity to meet and to spend some time together. If you like her, if you’re attracted to her and would love to see her again, let her know that and set a second date, within the week if schedules permit. And report back to me.  I always want to know… What are your impressions? What qualities do you appreciate in this person? Anything you don’t appreciate? Are you attracted? Would you like to get together again? If not, help us play Matchmaker – what type of person would YOU recommend we introduce to this person next? The answers to these questions help us to serve you both.

Who’s in my available Candidate pool? When searching for my current client, I’m “fishing” in a pool of thousands and thousands of potential candidates, to include: Current Clients and Former Clients, and also lots and lots of people whom we’ve invited into our matchmaking community, who’ve never been active search Clients, but who are delighted to hear from us whenever we have a potential referral. The fact that we have both paying Clients and non-paying Members is a good thing…. We meet men and women at events we produce and co-sponsor, we meet fantastic men and women when we’re out and about in the community, and SO many stellar candidates come to us through direct referral from our existing Clients and Members. Many of our success story clients, who’ve partnered up successfully met someone whom we’d recruited, who had not yet become an active search Client with us. It’s more important to us to make the best possible matches for our Client than it is that both he and she are current, paying clients. It’s part of the magic here. Service matters more than sales…

Who do you know, who would appreciate the opportunity to be part of our referral network? Send him or her here to register, privately, for free.  We’ll reach out with our personal welcome.

About Julie

Julie Ferman is the Founder of Julie Ferman Associates. As a personal matchmaker, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, dating industry consultant and events producer, her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Julie Ferman Associates provides personal matchmaking services and a full menu of dating coaching services to single men and women throughout the U.S. and Canada.

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