Dating Means Waiting…

Client, Jim this morning is getting anxious and frustrated because his new match with Randi hasn’t resulted in a first date yet, and it’s been over a week since they both said Yes to meeting.  He’s called, he’s emailed, he’s been thoroughly jazzed to meet her, and she’s been slow to respond.  Now her recent email reveals that she has family coming in from overseas for Thanksgiving, so her schedule is jammed, and now he’s not happy.  He’s wondering, “Is this girl just too busy, not interested enough in me? Is she just another flaky LA girl who doesn’t know what she wants?  Is she playing games with me?   Should I move on?”

Your matchmaker says…Relaaaaaaax.  Take a breath.  Take ten breaths.  Oh, go ahead, take a yoga class.  Better yet, take a full day to climb Mount Baldy or run a 10K.  No, I’ve got it — Take two days and volunteer at your local soup kitchen and get out of your own head to gain some perspective.

Dating often means waiting.  Learn to wait well.

We live in an “order it up” culture.  Hungry?  Burger King, Subway, PF Changs, the vegan joint around the corner — take your pick.   Computer crashed?  Easy to replace — stop by Best Buy or your local Apple store and you’re set.  Don’t have the money?  No worries, charge it.  Oh, card it maxed?  No sweat, here’s another new one — just call to activate.  Just order it up, Darlin’…

So often I see clients coming to me expecting the same quick fix — I’m lonely, ready for love. I want to share my heart and my life, and I want my new perfect partner…now.  This month.  Actually, this week would be better.  Really, I’m open after work today, so go for it, Coach, put me on a perfect date tonight, with the woman of my dreams.  She needs to look this way, she needs to be wildly attracted to and fascinated with me, and the details of her life need to fit ever-so-neatly-and-cleanly into the admittedly jagged scramble that my life happens to be at the moment.  I know what I want.  I’ve submitted my order — now Matchmaker, you go fulfill it. 

You think I’m joking, right?  I’m not joking.

Certain elements need to be present in order for a new romance to ignite: Mutual interest and attraction for sure, and then there’s the issue of timing.  My greatest frustration as a personal matchmaker and dating coach is watching truly great people “miss” each other for what are clearly to me…silly little reasons.  In this case, Jim has begun to make things up about Randi and he’s tempted to discard her like an empty Starbucks cup into the nearest trash receptacle – Tossing her is easier and simpler for him than learning to wait patiently, with compassion, kindness and understanding.  (By the way, relationship requires lots and lots of patience, compassion, kindness, and understanding — so…best to practice these skills along the way to finding someone to love…)

Today’s lesson:  If you’re dating…practice the art of waiting…develop your inner strength, your own peace and calm, giving each one of your current prospects the space and the permission to gravitate toward you … in their own time.

Keep your heart and mind open and keep your compassion with you, as timing needs to be right on both sides for a friendship or romance to take hold.  New friendships and new relationships are like tender baby plants.  Water, sunlight, some careful pruning — all part of the growth process, and…some plants just don’t blossom overnight.  That doesn’t mean they’re not worth cultivating…

Learn to wait well, my friends.

About Julie

Julie Ferman is the Founder of Julie Ferman Associates. As a personal matchmaker, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, dating industry consultant and events producer, her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Julie Ferman Associates provides personal matchmaking services and a full menu of dating coaching services to single men and women throughout the U.S. and Canada.

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7 Responses to Dating Means Waiting…

  1. Joe 931 November 22, 2009 at 10:54 pm #

    I agree that “patience is virtue” If they both said yes and jim called Randi for a date, then she should respond within 24 hours. Once she explains her busy schedule, then Jim should “chill”.

  2. Julie Spira November 22, 2009 at 10:19 pm #

    Great article Julie. I truly believe patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Dr. Judi Bloom November 22, 2009 at 7:29 am #

    Too true- I feel rushed into being in an exclusive relationship with 95% of the guys I meet, and then wanting to occupy all of my free time. Men and women need to remember that the person you meet had a life before you- with friends, interests, obligations. Give them enough attention to know you’re interested- and enough space to let them come forward.


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