Dating Deal Breakers — If you’re single…and you wish you weren’t…, if you’re ready to and excited about being in a loving partnership, you need to be dating, getting out on first, second, and third dates with some targeted, viable prospects. Dating is an opportunity to explore being with different types of people, to see who fits, feels comfortable, who compliments you and your lifestyle nicelyl….and here’s the tricky part — we’re looking for someone who is also interested in and attracted to you, who wants to be with you, to explore possibilities with you. Someone for whom YOU make the cut too.
As we get older, we become more and more clear about the qualities, characteristics, and attributes that we find appealing and…well…which things are turn-offs, even deal-breakers for us. Careful to avoid the trap — being so judgmental and critical, so picky and fussy that no one can pass the test. How to stay out of that trap? Here’s what to do.
Make a list of all of the qualities and characteristics that you’d love to see in your future partner. It’s OK if it’s a long, long list. Then the tough part….identify what are you Top Three Critical Criteria. Those who meet these top three critical criteria… do whatever you can to get on dates number 1, 2, and 3 with these people…
And it’s also a good idea to make a list of all of your pet peeves — qualities and characteristics that you definitely DON’T want in your future partner. Again, it’s OK if it’s a long list, but then do the same challenging exercise — choose your top three — your Top Three Deal Breakers. If the person you’re considering has one of these big no-no’s for you, then well….it’s OK to pass.
Deal breakers are personal, specific to each person’s love search. In order to get through the maze that dating is, it’s a really good idea to get clear about what your Deal Breakers are. Here’s a sampling of what’s on some of our clients’ deal-breaker lists: Cigarette smoking, pot smoking, alcohol/drinking habits. For some, having young kids at home is a deal-breaker. For others, someone who’s not been married before would be a red flag (or a big PLUS!). Religion is often a deal breaker (some will only date a Christian or Jew, some won’t consider dating someone who’s Christian or Jewish). Body type and degree of physical fitness is a biggie for some, and for others what matters more is political or financial.
So…go ahead…make your lists…long lists of elements you really want and those you really don’t want in your future partner. And choose your top three for both lists. You’ll find it’s an eye-opening experience to do this exercise, and it’ll save you from being too accommodating or being so fussy/picky that no one could make the cut.