There’s a great single guy who’s into you, knocking on your door for a second, third, maybe fourth date.
He seems pretty good on paper, he meets lots of your key criteria, but there’s something missing… Here’s what this Los Angeles Matchmaker says to do.
You’ve been there. Maybe you’re in this situation right now, where there’s a suitor who’s hot to trot, who is asking you out for a first date, or for a follow up date, and part of you is saying, “Sure, why not?” And there’s that gnawing “BUT” in the space. There’s that little voice saying to you that he’s not quite right, that there’s something missing, that he’s not exactly the type of man you’ve envisioned for yourself.
Want to know why? Because that real live man is in competition with the fictitious man you have in your mind as being oh so perfect for you. If you’re like me, you’ve been dreaming and fantasizing about your prince since early childhood. There are men who measure up – you’ve met them, and so have I, many times. They’re usually married, or dating someone, or they’re gay. The unavailable men don’t count – they’re off the market, or at least off the market for you. Do not allow yourself to be teased by these men who are not in any way possibilities for you.
Don’t get caught in the trap of pining away for the imaginary man who’s stuck in your mind or for that great guy who’s unavailable for dating. Also, don’t pine away for the guy who’s seemingly available but who’s not into YOU, as truly, you only have a shot with the guy who thinks YOU are hot. Also be careful not to yearn for the guy who’s got lots of the qualities you’re seeking (maybe he’s successful, tall, handsome, with a big personality) – the guy who seems just right, but who shows up to be a player, an addict, an emotional child, etc.
Wrestle with this notion — Inside each and every relationship are elements and issues that are bothersome and potentially problematic. I think our Creator just might have made it that way on purpose, to force us to continually stretch and grow and to inspire us to consider each other as perfect, with all of our imperfections and foibles, and to encourage us to create harmony where there is discord.
If you see that your top three or four critical criteria are indeed present with the guy who is pursuing you, then please do say Yes to his invitation and explore possibilities with this very real candidate. This practice will bear fruit for you, I promise. And watch for surprises.
This year I saw successful pairings among couples who were surprised to fall for each other. She’s older than he thought she would be. He’s not as tall as he was “supposed” to be. He’d never expected to partner with a woman who has a disabled child. She didn’t think she’d be able to have a relationship with someone who lived 40 miles away. I just love to see these surprises.
Keep your hearts open, folks. That’s the secret to transforming Me to We.