Are you being an Ageist? And how’s it working for you?

This article is written for the men who are in their 50’s / 60’s / 70’s and beyond.
Ageism is not our friend, especially in dating. Ageism is “the stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination against people on the basis of their age.”
Now I know for sure that you don’t want to be pigeonholed based on YOUR digits, but I wonder if you’re still putting women in boxes based on … THEIR digits.
If you’re a grown-up, mature man, in mid-life or your senior years, here’s why focusing on age probably isn’t working for you, in your dating life.

  1. We all think we look and act years younger than our actual age. Sorry, Bud, but you don’t. You might look good for your age, but … you’re not really fooling anyone, so get over it.
  2. That phenomenal 47-year-old female who’s positively beautiful, inside out? She thinks she’s supposed to be dating a hot, studly 45-year-old, and if you’re 65, unless she has a Daddy Complex or she wants access to your vast resources, she’s not gonna go for you. Don’t fool yourself.
  3. I know, most of your big loves in your life have been younger than you, and some might have been WAY younger than you, but …. How old were YOU when you met each other? The reality is this; the older you are, the less chance you have of attracting and keeping a woman who’s more than maybe 5-7 years your junior. And the more FABULOUS she is, the more true that statement is. Why? Because women outlive men by an average of 5 years. Women know this. She might say OK to a 10 to 15-year age spread if she’s in her 20’s, looking to build a family together with a successful Provider / Protector type. But if she’s 57? She’s not looking for a 75-year-old, unless she’s broke and needs a rescue. She’s afraid she’ll be pushing a wheel chair far before her time. Someone HAD to say it. So, I said it. Sorry. But it’s likely why the vast majority of the younger women you’re targeting are blowing you off. And as the matchmaker, when I pitch you to her, she says, “Julie, so sorry, but to me looks like my dad” They won’t tell you this, but they do tell me, every single day. And so… I’M telling you.
  4. Do you feel younger and more vital when you’re with a younger woman? Yes, of course you do. So does she, when she’s with a man who’s at HER level of vitality.
    Here’s how my matchmaking client, David finally got it. A few years back, I stopped revealing those pesky little digits on profiles. He gets all kinds of detailed information on what really matters – like her passions, values, lifestyle, her current face and full body photos, and he decides based on THAT information, and my personal recommendation, if he’s interested in her and attracted to her enough to merit a first date. If so, I pitch him to her, and if she’s a Yes for meeting him (without knowing HIS digits either) then we set the date.

Digitless Dating…. I like it.

David and I had a fantastic personal matchmaking journey together. Over the course of three months, he had 8 first dates, 5 second/third dates, and one of these women (each was within 10 years of his age) he just proposed to. Theirs is the 1204th Success Story Couple that hubby, Gil and I have witnessed, since 1990. Oh, and they were born 6 months apart from each other. I’m not telling who’s older….
David will be the first to tell you that he’s a recovered ageist, and he asked me to write about his journey so that other men can learn from his success.
I welcome your comments, challenges and questions: Julie@JulieFerman.com

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