Your Inner Flirt – How to Release It, How to Cultivate It

girl saying helloHow to transform Me to We? Become better at flirting. Wherever you are on the sociability scale, let’s ratchet things up for you a level or two by evolving your ability to engage folks out there in your world. Here’s what to do:

  1. Get Out. Of the house, that is. If you really want to shake things up for yourself this year, creating a result that is markedly different from any “norm” you’ve ever experienced, then one thing is for sure. You need to try something different. Here’s my challenge for you: Schedule twice weekly outings for yourself, with yourself, by yourself. Or with a pooch – dogs are the BEST flirting props ever, and if you don’t have one… I know you have a friend or a neighbor who does – borrow someone else’s flirting prop and watch what happens.
  1. Ditch your Phone. One small yet critical thing you can do to change your social experience is — take that mobile phone of yours, you know that “Communication Device” that is glued to your right hand. And ditch it. Well maybe you’re not going to ditch it entirely but when you are out and about engaging with other human beings in your world along your days’ travels, what I want you to begin doing is the practice of being immensely curious about the people all around you. YOU be the one to initiate a conversation – practice chatting up “strangers” everywhere you go. Don’t be picky – it’s practice. Practice on everyone.

I’m parked in my car at the moment, waiting outside a medical office building, watching two people sit on a bench. She’s looking at her phone, and he’s looking at his phone. They’re both appear to be in their early 30’s, both nice looking professional types, and neither one has a wedding ring on. Both look kinda bored and lonely, nothing too interesting seems to be happening for either of them. I think they should be talking to each other, but they aren’t. Because they’re too busy seeking out connection with someone else, somewhere else. And they’re missing each other completely. How sad is that?

These two already missed their opportunity to meet and to connect, but all is not lost IF we can learn something from it, and if we can put NEW behavior into place in YOUR life. Are YOU ready to transform everything for yourself, from the inside out, but daring to initiate? Try doing this…

  1. Meet two new people every day. Yes, you’re going to introduce yourself to at least two new people every day of your life. Seek them out. I don’t care where you meet them. If you’re shy or uncomfortable with this notion, then make it easy — start with the cute little ladies at the grocery store. If you really need a crutch, visit at the animal shelter. Or stop in at Gymboree store and talk to moms with young kids. How about, pay a visit to the nursing home and see if anybody there might relish some company.

The whole idea is to just get outside of your own head and outside of your own psyche and focus on other people, making it your mission to spread some sunshine, to bring smiles to faces. At first, that’s all you’re going to do. Generate smiles and bring a moment of joy to someone, for no reason other than just to add a bit of happiness to someone else’s life.

  1. Get over yourself. Seriously…most of the trouble I see with single people who consistently don’t get second dates and third dates is that they’re too caught up in themselves. What makes someone alluring and appealing is that there is life there. There’s a connection happening. And you know you can’t really be connected with someone if your energy is pulled inward, if you’re in your own head, especially if the thoughts running through your mind are of a critical / judgmental nature. YUK – that’s the kiss of death in dating, as folks can feel those thoughts… Practice instead noticing what’s right and lovely and worth seeing in other people – all other people. It’s a practice that will change everything for you in the realm of dating. Practice. And practice some more.
  1. Plan a party. Yes, YOU be the one to gather people together. You may say, “I don’t know who invite, I don’t have very many single friends.” Well, surely you have one or two or maybe three single pals, same sex or opposite sex. Go ahead, get out the black book, go through your contacts list and write down the names, emails, and phone numbers of all the single people that you would be willing to spend any bit of time with. Throw them onto an excel document if you want to be organized about it – You’re going to plan a cocktail party. Want to do it on the cheap? Terrific — pop onto Google and look up happy hours in your area you’ll find all kinds of establishments looking for patrons. And here’s the secret –

You make it so that nobody gets to come to your party unless they bring a friend, and it has to be a single friend, and it has to be a single friend of the opposite sex — because then you’ll have perfect gender balance, which let me tell you is no easy feat when you’re producing a singles event. What you do as the party organizer is, you make sure that you capture each guest’s first name, last name, email address and phone number. Anytime you’re planning a party or event of some kind, you’re building your list and you’ll have people whom you can invite. And each time you plan event you make sure that everyone brings an opposite sex friend to introduce to you, someone whom YOU don’t yet know. And this is how you become your own matchmaker.  And you know what happens when you’re the person who plans the events and hosts the parties and extends the invitations?  You will find that your phone starts ringing more with invitations from other people who want to reciprocate. It’s natural — the whole idea is pay it forward, and put forth positive energy. Generate activity focused on bringing joy and happiness and fun to other people, and karma will take care of you. I promise.

Let me know how your flirting adventures are going and how your events are turning out. I’ll be very interested to hear.

And of course, be sure that you’re registered with me, so we can find you when we’re planning our events in Southern CA and in Santa Fe, New Mexico – those are our two hot spots / areas of focus. http://www.JulieFerman.com

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