One of my female clients blew it with a really good guy this week. She has this idea in her head that The Guy should always go the extra mile to meet up with her. Let’s examine this together, shall we?
She’s basically “The it girl” – gorgeous, smart, well educated, used to having things the way she wants them. Except she’s been struggling to find the right man to marry and have kids with, and the way she handled this particular situation is giving me a hint as to the possible reasons why…
Her name is Brittany and what’s MOST important to her in her guy is that he is strong, confident and very successful – someone she can naturally look up to, admire and respect. I found JUST such a suitor for her; His name is Randall and he’s a CATCH. He’s built his own software company, he’s handsome, ready for love, and he was a big Yes for meeting Brittany after I shared her detailed profile and photos with him.
Trouble was, they live across town from each other, which in Los Angeles, can be an hour-long adventure. He’s got Venture Capital investors scheduled in town this week, studying his company, and his schedule was tight—yet he wanted to meet her. I always provide first date concierge service for my introductions, to make scheduling and confirming as effortless as possible. I shared Randall’s suggestions for when and where to meet, and we gave Brittany two options – lunch near his office on Saturday, in between his business meetings, or drinks at a mid-way point on a Thursday, as he would be en route to the airport to pick up a potential investor.
Brittany said No. She said, “I hate it when I have to drive far for a first date. I really appreciate it when the guy drives to meet me, as it shows me that he’s motivated and serious about meeting me. And I’m just used to being treated like a lady.”
Now, hear me out on this issue, ladies. In our fantasies, a guy is super successful AND he has plenty of free time, to jump through hoops to accommodate his date’s every whim. But in reality, all that money he’s making… he has to work darned hard to make it. A woman who really, really wants a successful man, who’s got a big, important life he’s leading… she would be wise to be happy to jump through hoops to make herself available to meet him at a time that works well for him and a place that’s manageable for him to get to.
I know a guy who’d be more than happy to drive across town to meet her – he’s unemployed, living in his mother’s garage, smoking pot and wasting his life away. I wonder if she’d like to meet him?
Probably not. Just remember, a big, strong, masculine man wants and needs a woman who is inherently feminine – and one of the feminine qualities he will most appreciate is… flexibility and adaptability. The bigger, stronger and more masculine The Guy is that you’re hoping to partner with, the more you’ll want to practice being flexible and adaptable. He will need these qualities to be firmly in place in order for him to determine that she is The One for him.