Let’s check in on the question of personal matchmaking, for you. For single love-seekers, the plethora of dating solutions has never been more rich and varied, and in order to preserve your psyche, your self-esteem, your hard earned dollars and your precious time, as a 20+ year veteran of the Dating Industry, specifically as a Los Angeles Matchmaker, I want to help you make the right choice about how to do dating well, whether that involves a personal matchmaker or not.
Here’s how to know if YOU should work with a personal matchmaker. Ask yourself these questions:
- 1. What’s more important to you – TIME or MONEY? There have never been more free and inexpensive dating solutions for love seekers. If you value your money more than your time, then have fun working with the plethora of free online dating sites like www.okcupid.com and www.plentyoffish.com and don’t whine about the hours that you’ll spend sifting, sorting and qualifying dating prospects and just know in advance that there will be plenty of times when you’ll encounter fibbers, flakes and sex-seekers – In my experience, for every crazy online wack-job there are five others who are honest, good people…just like you. On the other hand, If you are willing to invest some of your hard earned dough to save yourself hours and hours of time corresponding with and dating the less-than-fully-qualified, then hiring a matchmaker might make some sense for you, but…there’s more to consider.
2. What’s harder for you to take –REJECTION or BEING SINGLE? Along with the free or nearly free dating solutions come lots of little and not-so-little disappointments, which can be torturous for the psyche. PAX founder, Alison Armstrong (http://www.julieferman.com/ResourcesCategories.aspx?id=161) tells us that for men, the number one most appealing, alluring, attractive quality in a woman is confidence. The reality of online dating is that the vast majority of those who appeal to you won’t be into you, won’t respond or will tease you and end up disappointing you. Not unlike being at a singles event or a crowded singles bar – it’s tough to face these facts, but do-it-yourself dating requires a thick skin to manage the rejection factor. AND the trick is to learn not to take this personal rejection personally… If you’d like to minimize the rejection factor by short-cutting the sifting, sorting and qualification process, matchmaking might be a solution, but…first…wait…ask yourself…
3. Is there a really good matchmaker in my area? Look for a matchmaker who’s well established in YOUR town, with five or more years running a successful dating agency there in your community, with a stellar reputation. A matchmaker who has a really large database of personally screened candidates who meet your critical criteria. A matchmaker who is more service oriented than sales oriented (HINT: look for an agency that reveals fees upfront, and beware of any agency that won’t. Also, avoid agencies that offer buy-today incentives – this is a sure sign that they’re more interested in your money than they are in serving you…trust me on this.) Look for a matchmaker who recruits constantly – who’s out there in the community searching, scouting, screening and really working proactively for the clients. A matchmaker who will only introduce you to other current, paying clients – oh my…run the other way, as the “inventory” will be seriously limited and not at all worth your investment. Size matters in matchmaking – the size of the available candidate pool, that is. Does the matchmaker provide post-date feedback and coaching, demonstrating a sincere desire to help you learn and grow? Matchmakers who don’t provide ongoing coaching and post-date feedback are more interested in your money than your success.
4. Would I be a good matchmaking client? My dream client is one who has the ability to trust me, who can and will communicate respectfully with me and with the candidates we introduce. A good matchmaking client is one who can be patient, who can embrace the reality that dating is a process, a growth process that sometimes includes the revealing of blind spots… The ideal matchmaking client can embrace dating as an adventure, filled with learning and opportunities to contribute and share with each other along the journey into relationship. If you are indeed this type of person, I’d like to know you. Register privately with me, for free here: www.JulieFerman.com and I’ll help you determine your best course of action. Based on who you are, the type of person you’re interested in meeting and where you live in the world, I’ll help you sort out this thing called Your Love Life.