Should Spiritual or Religious Be One of Your Dating Criteria?

Dating Criteria

Should you veto someone as a potential candidate for relationship because of religion or spirituality? This topic is worth digging into, as you may well be missing out on some stellar opportunities.

Take out your list. You know, THAT list, of all of the qualities and characteristics that really matter to you. And highlight your Top Five Critical Criteria. These are the elements that you’d be literally unhappy without. In other words, you’d rather do life solo forever than partner with someone who didn’t have these Top Five elements.

Now, did “religious” or “spiritual” make it to your Top Five? If not, then be super careful not to veto someone for not being in perfect alignment with you on the topic. It’s very possible that you could partner beautifully together, even if one of you is more spiritual or religious than the other.

If you’re someone who frames your life around your congregation, your faith or your spiritual practice, then it may be fully appropriate and a really good idea to date only those people who share your views and who also want to orient life around faith based or spirituality related activities. This makes perfect sense.

Perhaps you’re someone who considers yourself to be “spiritual, not religious” – you might have a meditation practice or you may enjoy attending services or faith based lectures from time to time, or you might love reading and studying about spirituality, personal growth, etc. The key question to ask is – do you NEED for your partner to be as actively engaged as you are? What if the person you’re with is MORE actively engaged in a spiritual or faith based pursuit than you are? Should that be a deal-breaker? Would a relationship be doomed to failure for the two of you?

I say not. For so many of us, spirituality and faith is a personal choice, practiced quietly, in solitude. I know a couple who have managed this “dilemma” in such a beautiful way. One is Buddhist and the other is Catholic. Each morning they sit back to back for 20 minutes of silent prayer / meditation – they’re literally praying to different gods…together…. I just LOVE this.

Ladies, are you hoping to meet a man who’s super successful, who’s ALSO highly spiritual? Hmmm….. Careful, as these two elements very rarely show up together in the same guy. Ask yourself, what’s MORE important to you, that he have lots of financial resources, or that he be a spirit-centered person? Not sure? Date both “types”, and see how you feel when you’re together. Stick with the one who brings out the best in you, around whom you feel you can be and show up to be your best self.

Bottom line, practice the art of looking for what’s right. Ask yourself, “In what ways is this person spiritual? In what ways does this person practice kindness or apply the Golden Rule in daily life?” You may find that there are some really good people out there who are disciplined in the art of being a good person. Careful not to miss these folks…

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One Response to Should Spiritual or Religious Be One of Your Dating Criteria?

  1. michelle December 17, 2015 at 12:01 pm #

    This was very helpful!

    I’ve been feeling concern that the wonderful, successful attorney I am in a relationship with might not be “spiritual” enough for me. He has no real spiritual practice or faith, but is kind, thoughtful, emotionally avaialble and generous.

    We do seem to bring out the best in each other. Maybe that is more important…

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