This matchmaker just HAD to take a quick moment to share a morsel of critical info from today’s Monday Morning Post Date Feedback phone calls. Here’s how one woman totally BLEW IT with a man she thinks is smitten with her (He is no longer smitten, she has lost her chance with him completely.) It’s all because of one little goof she made with her Valet Parking ticket. A goof, which to him, showed a character flaw that killed off his interest and attraction in less than a heartbeat.
A Smitten Couple, At First
You should know that she really, really likes this guy. She said it was the best date she’d ever had and that he’s the most appealing man she’s met in over a year. We’ll call her Katie, and as with most of my female Clients, Katie’s gorgeous, a 32 year old accomplished professional, Ivy League educated, rock solid family behind her. She’s basically the IT girl and the gentleman I introduced her to over the weekend is just the type of man she came to me hoping to meet.
He’s 6’2″, 38, mega successful, stunningly handsome, ready for marriage and a houseful of kids — just the kind of man she’s been fantasizing about, wondering if he actually exists.
Everything was going beautifully on the date. They instantly recognized each other at the restaurant, they chatted non-stop, chemistry was off the charts (on both accounts), dinner was lovely, and over coffee and chocolate mousse they talked about getting together again. They shared a sweet kiss as they stood up to leave the table. All fine, right?
The Valet Parking Test
Before he had a chance to ask her for her valet parking ticket, which he oftentimes picks up for a date, she pulled her ticket out of her pocket and handed it to him, without a word.
Oh my, did she ever FLUNK the test. Dating is so full of pitfalls, little tests and tells. And this one little thing she did caused an immediate, visceral and thoroughly off-putting response. You see, it’s not that he isn’t generous (he had just graciously driven 45 minutes to meet her in her neighborhood, for a $150 dinner at her favorite restaurant), but it was the fact that she expected him to spring for her valet parking. With such a cavalier attitude by literally insisting her ticket up to him to pay, that was the small gesture that killed her chances with him completely.
What Your Expectations Say About You
It’s like Peter said in a recent comment about generosity. He said that if a woman expects an act of generosity, if she feels entitled to it, then it robs him of the joy of providing it for her. Ladies, are you listening?
Do you know what Mr. Studly did? Without a word, he took that valet parking ticket and paid it, along with his. He tipped both her valet attendant and his. He walked her to her car, said good night (no kiss), and he got into his car, upon which he immediately found her name in his contacts and hit the Delete button.
End of story. End of date. End of relationship. Period. “How we do one thing,” he has determined, “is how we do everything,” he said to me in his post-date feedback call, and how she did this one thing told him all he needed to learn about her.
Leaving a First Impression at the End of the Date
Wow, huh? You see, we only have one chance to make a first impression. Your matchmaker is asking you to think very carefully about the impression you want to give to the people you are meeting out there in the world. And ladies, the next time a guy doesn’t jump to pick up your valet parking ticket, please cut that guy some slack, as he might have dated too many women like “Katie” and he just might be testing you!
What to do when at the Valet stand? Always come prepared to pay for yourself, make no assumptions, demonstrate your OWN generosity. If he just picked up dinner, why not offer to pay his Valet parking – he’ll usually decline, but he’ll be impressed that you’re not “Katie.” Always be gracious, always be appreciative, and leave those princess slippers in your closet at home, for the next time you’re playing dress-up with your 7-year-old niece. She is likely to be the only one who will like those shoes.
Comments? I’d love to hear what you have to say, Guys and Girls, on this touchy subject. Personally, I’d like to interview some LA Valet Parking Attendants. Bet they’d have a lot to say on the subject…