Dating Dilemma: Who’s Responsible for Her Safety on the Date?

Los Angeles Matchmaker, Cupid's Coach

Los Angeles Matchmaker, Julie Ferman

My personal Matchmaking Client, Linda asks a great question this morning. “Jim and I had a really nice date. Conversation flowed, we had a very comfortable connection, chemistry seemed to be there for us both, he graciously picked up the tab for dinner, everything was perfect except….he didn’t offer to walk me to my car at the end of the date. I’d parked a few blocks from the restaurant, in a part of town I didn’t know well, and I felt abandoned as I walked the long, dark three blocks to my car. It would have been really nice if he’d offered to walk me to my car. The fact that he didn’t — for me is a red flag. Is this a sign that he’s not respectful or thoughtful, that he doesn’t really care about a woman’s safety?”

I LOVE this dating dilemma, as it points to a much larger issue – Who’s responsible for a woman’s safety on a date? The end of a first date can be awkward. While we’re trying to end the date gracefully, without really knowing if we will see each other again, there’s always that bit of uncomfortableness as we’re in front of the restaurant or coffee shop, or wherever we chose to meet.  Do we hug? Do we kiss? Do we talk about getting together again? Did we exchange cards, phone numbers?  Where’s my car? Did I valet? Did he?

Here’s what I’d say….Ladies, WE need to be responsible for our own safety. As a personal matchmaker for 20+ years, it’s become clear to me that most men are truly unaware that as women we are constantly fearful for our own personal safety. Daily as we get in and out of our cars, as we walk down busy city streets in high heels, purses hanging from our shoulders, sometimes disoriented, directionally challenged as we comb parking lots for the car we somehow don’t even remember parking…

I really do think it’s a good idea for us girls to take care of ourselves, which means making sure we’re safe.  Ladies, don’t hesitate AT ALL to ask a man you’ve just met to walk you to your car.  Men respond really well that that request, as it gives them the opportunity to be the provider/protector and it shows them our vulnerability, which is a turn-on for them.

The simple question,”Would you be willing to walk me to my car?” also shows a man that we’re comfortable asking for what we want and need, which deminstrates our ability to communicate resonsibly and with compassion.  You’re going to need those communication skills in the relationship that’s in your future — might as well start practicing asking for what you want and need now, while trying on hats, which is what dating is.

Never walk to your car alone if you don’t have to.  Men are so willing and happy to protect us, and when they don’t offer, it’s usually because we gave off the “I’m fine, I can take care of myself” kinda vibe.  Play with this.  You don’t have to be the damsel in distress, but it’s good to remind him that you are the girl, even though you’re a very capable one.  This dating coach says — Asking for help is smart AND sexy!

 

About Julie

Julie Ferman is the Founder of Julie Ferman Associates. As a personal matchmaker, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, dating industry consultant and events producer, her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Julie Ferman Associates provides personal matchmaking services and a full menu of dating coaching services to single men and women throughout the U.S. and Canada.

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One Response to Dating Dilemma: Who’s Responsible for Her Safety on the Date?

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