You’re female. You’re single, you’d much rather be in love, and you’re dating, looking for that just-right fit. You find yourself disappointed… and often. The real live candidates available to you don’t measure up to the image in your mind of the person you think is “right” for you. You’re hoping for filet and life’s delivering ground beef.
Is it possible that you’re just too difficult to please? Could it be that you’re just too fussy for love?
Let’s find out together. Hang in here with me on this – the answer you arrive at just might reveal everything to you about WHY you’re still single after all this dating and all this waiting you’ve been doing.
Ask yourself this question — How much of my happiness is a function of my circumstances? And how much of my happiness is a function of how I CHOOSE to see my circumstances? It’s the existential question that’s been asked by philosophers for centuries, and never is the question more poignant as when it’s asked about a person’s love life.
It’s as complex a question as the age old nature / nurture issue.
As a married woman, I ask myself the same kind of question: How much of my happiness in my life is a function of who the man is in my life and how he behaves on a daily basis? And how much of my happiness (or unhappiness) in my life is a function of how I choose to interpret his …talking with his mouth full, his snoring, his attitude, his choice or words or his tone of voice?
When we’re pleased, we’re happy, right? So the question burning in my mind is — who’s in charge of whether or not we’re pleased? Who’s in charge of whether or not we’re happy?
How difficult are you to please? How easy is it for people out there in the world to “make” you happy?
Have you become so fussy about what you want, how you want it, and when and where you want it (whatever “it” might be) that you might just be giving off a vibe of superiority? How about negativity? How about judgmental-ness?
Here’s an exercise that might just reveal the answer to you.
Watch yourself for a whole day, to find out how fussy you are. Yes, we’re looking to determine Your Fussy Factor. You’re going to find out for yourself where you are on the scale of Difficult-To-Please-Ness.
For one entire day, I want you to observe the way you judge the people and the circumstances that make up this day. Monitor your thoughts, your judgments and evaluations, about everything that happens to you today, and if you dare…. Write down the words that come to mind. Use a journal or a fresh notes page on your mobile device and capture the words that “pop into” your mind about the people and events that make up your oh so long day.
You’re paying attention to the SPIN that you and your creative mind give to the people and the events that occur for you over an average day in your life. Now, this will only work if you’re honest, really honest about writing down the REAL thing that came to mind, not the thought that you’d like to be able to say came to mind…. Do this exercise with earnest curiosity and be jaw-droppingly honest with yourself.
We’re looking for patterns. Patterns in how you see the world. We’re looking to discover what your point of view tends to be as life unfolds before you.
Do you find yourself generally pleased or displeased with the people around you? The circumstances that befall you along your day’s journey – did you find yourself pleased or displeased?
Note the commentary that runs through your mind and TALLY on a scorecard for yourself each of the positive and the negative comments you catch yourself making, so that at the end of the day you’ll have some telling stats to study.
A guy walks into the coffee shop. What did you notice first? That he has lovely green eyes (one for the plus side) or that he’s short (tally this on the negative side)
The waitress brings your salad at lunch. What is the running commentary in your mind? Is it “Gorgeous tomatoes!” or “Finally, why did it take her so long?”
Here’s what we are looking to know. How high maintenance are you? How positive or negative are you?
Do you tend to see what’s right in people and in circumstances? Or do you tend to see what’s lacking, wrong, not enough? The tally you have will have created for yourself today will show you the answer, if you’re honest.
For The Fussy Female: Men need respect and appreciation. Is it easy or tough for a man to earn your respect? How readily do you express your sincere appreciation? If you tend to be someone who finds fault, flaws and imperfection in people and circumstances, then you’ll give off the impression of … not being impressed, you’ll appear to be difficult to please and you’ll lose a really good man’s attention in a heartbeat. Men want to “make us happy” and if he senses that we are too tough to please he simply won’t step up to the challenge as it’s a game he intuits that he really can’t win; at some visceral level in his being, he knows it. He’ll move on to someone else, who might be better able to receive his gifts.
Our ability to be easy to please – it’s well worth nurturing. It’s how to be more love-able. Have fun doing your research and report back to me. I’ll be interested to hear what you discover.
Would you like to have access to your own personal dating coach?